SELF LOVE is important - my journey of self love

Today I realised how important self love is. 

I am 21 with a beautiful son and finally content with myself and my body image. 

I will now recall my journey of how difficult it was for me to love my body.

From the young raw age of 9 or 10 I was told by fellow class members that I had hairy arms and legs. Being included in Malaysian, Indian lineage I was told that growing up by family members. 

As normal as It was for children to have hair on your legs and arms, eyebrows it made me  doubt myself and what I should do to improve my image by what others thought was wrong. Even though I would have been classed as a child other children as young as 9 or 10 were expressing their opinion and I felt bad about my self and image by always wearing my long sleeved jersey even through those hot summer days so it would never be said again. 

I have a specific memory sitting on a sports field with two friends and my cousin all wearing short shorts. 'Can you see my leg hair'? I asked because my mum said my hair was blonde and not that recognisable. 'The response I got was "Yes you need to shave' Giggles again. 

Starting Intermediate I was 11 turning 12 and started gaining interest in boys. The girls in my eyes always had perfect hair, wealthy families not having to worry about where they brought their clothes from and were never worried about their image or weight. 

It went from worrying about hair on my body to now worry about my weight. "You are so tiny, You are so short, How much do you weight you are so skinny'. These are a few comments that continued for the two years in intermediate. 

I was at a light 40 kgs and a size 6 for the 2 years in intermediate. I never thought it was an issue until the girls and boys started being interested in boobs and booty. Conversations on who had the best butt or biggest boobs. Not that I was interested but being noted for having the flat bum or the flat chest was not that fun. 

Tweenagers and children need to be taught from a young age the impact of bullying and self image and taunting others. It is an important subject I will teach my son especially when he starts school so he will never make anyone feel bad about themselves or vice versa about himself. 

Starting high school at 13, I had already lost my virginity to my boyfriend. I was not taken advantage of both giving consent at such a young age 'I know I do not need any negative comments."

My hair was very thick, frizzy. My body being a tiny size 6, I did not have a booty and slim to no boobs. 'The comments of being so skinny was the in thing everyone wanted to be skinny. 

I was so small for so many years I wanted to be big. I envied fully girls at school and thought how nice it would be to just have a bit of fat on my body. 

I stayed with the same person over the 5 years of high school in which he made me feel abit more confident about my body and image. Reassurance was nice to be described through someone elses eyes. 

At the age of 18 I had graduated school and now found out I was pregnant.. I had been a size 6 for over 7 years staying at a weight of nothing over 45 kgs. I was so excited to put on weight and get bigger during my pregnancy. 

During my pregnancy I was obsessed with my body I went up to a size 14 weighing over 65 kgs. It was lovely I loved the way clothes fit me. My mum said I would put on weight after I had my first baby or maybe second. 

The doctor said it was my metabolism and I cannot change the way my body adapts to food. I eat healthy. I eat alot. 

4 month past and my son is getting bigger and fuller and I have shrunk down to less than I weighed before I was pregnant. It was terrible I was nothing but bone. This was the result of breast feeding. I continued to feed until my son was 2. After his second birthday I put on weight and was happy and content with my body. 

I still try to work out here and there to maintain some sort or butt. I cannot help my mummy boobs. But overall I have started to love myself. I love my stretch marks I love my journey it has taken to get here. 

After I gave birth when my son was 3 and a half months old I did a photoshoot for an ametuer photographer in which I have included in the featured photo above. 

Thanks for reading my self love journey. Today I realised beautiful is not how you look in other peoples eyes it is how you feel about yourself, Loving yourself is so important. being confident in yourself is what makes you beautiful. 

 

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